The Real Children of the Real Housewives...

I left New York City this weekend after a quick trip to visit some friends and to remember what subways are like, immediately got sick on the flight home and spent the last two days enjoying marathons of The Real Housewives of New York City.

I couldn't help but notice how adult all of the children are.

The show features adults who fly around and do stupid things and then there are these kids, who actually care about their school work, trying to succeed in sports, and generally look insulted by their parents' actions. I mean these parents put "embarrassing" on the terrorist color spectrum.

It one episode, we watch 'the Countess' go downtown to hang out with her 'hip' 22 year old friend at a bar. Its painful to watch as she buys stupid necklaces and looks confused as she desperately tries to look "young". Then we watch as her children ask her not to stay out late, pick out her outfit and then not listen to their housekeeper (who I hope gets paid A LOT).

No wonder Victoria wants out to boarding school with a riding program and Noel is dealing with her mother's attempts to be hip by trying to make her stay home. I am pretty sure his recent break dancing lessons are because 'The Countess' caught "So you think you can dance?" on TV.

Ramona's child Avery is my personal favorite. Avery watches as her mother wears the worst clothing: bras and mini skirts, bad bikinis. She watches as her mother alienates herself from her "friends". She watches as her mother tries to be hip. Its just painful.

Its ok, Avery. Your mother's just addict to coke. Does that help?

A good old honest thumbs up

I don't usually reread books but I do reread the Alanna Series by Tamora Pierce every two to three years.

This is a book that I discovered when I was a tween and have loved ever since. Occasionally I meet a friend or read a facebook page that mentions the series and I get all giddy inside: I have found another fan!!

The book is wonderful, inspiring, and creates a realistic fantasy world. Its about a girl who pretended to be a boy so she can become a knight.

Tamora Pierce has written some many extensions to the world and usually I buy the next book the first day it comes out.

And the BEST PART is they HAVEN'T made a movie of it yet. They haven't ruined it by having some new child star bounce on screen. Although if they offered me the part of older Kel in her later series "Protector of the Small" I would say YES!!

Miley Cryus's New Single

Its not a scandal, its just music: Miley Cryus released a new single called "7 Things" on ElvisDuran.com.

The Chorus features the line: "The 7 Things I hate about you". I can only assume this is related to "10 Things I hate about you" which was based off the Shakespearian tale "Taming of the Shrew"...Therefore, by some twisted logic, Miley Cryus just produced a song which dumbed down Shakespeare even more.

I can only assume we will have "5 Things I hate about you" Then "3 things I hate about you" and then "1 Think I hate about you" and then "I don't hate you, its me, I hate myself".

All of which will correspond to a different shortened, edited, put into modern day language Shakespearian play.

Way to go, Miley. You ruined Shakespeare.

Gossip Girl's newest cast member

Gossip Girl's newest cast member Michelle Trachtenberg has one of those last names that an agent in the 80's would have convinced her to change. I personally am glad she didn't cave and even more glad for her resume of wonders.

I remember when she bounded straight on the wonderful wacky Nick show "Pete and Pete" and then it was "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" still capturing the hearts of millions of nerds and geeks.

And just when I thought crappy movies were just for TV, she glided her way on screen with the movie "Ice Princess", which I am convinced was written based solely for the tag lines: From Scholastic to Fantastic! and Mathlete to Athlete!! Genius!!

The movie featured everything a crappy family movie should: a choice between two lives: the one your mother wants and the one you want, one big event at the end, a cute boy who only wants to kiss you and stand up for you when your parents are oddly harsh. It was magically and I would glad accept a signed poster.

And now she is the evil Georgina Sparks on Gossip Girl, the CW show based on the Tween novel series of the same name. She is just pure evil, trying to ruin the lives of everyone. I can't hate her because I love her too much in Ice Princess, In Pete and Pete, In Buffy. Yet some how its too hard to watch her destroy others.

Boo, Miley Cyrus, Boo.

Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, aka every 4 to 12 year old's hero has fallen. The 15 year old Disney star posed in partially nude pictures for Vanity Fair magazine. The pictures which were taken to be 'artistic' but mainly just look like a scared child caught without a shirt on.

Miley Cyrus released a statement that she was embarrassed by the photo shoot and apologizes to all her young fans. Yada yada yada...

There are just so many people to blame here. Its not like she's just sitting there all alone with a phone. There is her dad, who is her dad AND costar, her managers, her agent, the Vanity Fair people, Annie Leibovitz, all of Disney who is trusting her to make their millions...so my question is WHY DIDN'T ANYONE SAY "HEY THIS MIGHT NOT BE A GOOD IDEA!?"

Oh right because she's getting millions of views by disgusted parents, horny preteens and creepy dads looking at her bare back. Miley Cyrus is making the ultimate transition into Hollywood Hottie.

I'm sad, Miley, really sad. Because next stop is hanging out in clubs with Paris Hilton and dating Wilmer Valderrama. Then its off to ruining your career...

Disney to Not Disney Crossovers

With the soon to be release of Indiana Jones 4, I would like to take the time to share those tween actors who successfully shed their Disney beginnings.

Love Hewitt

Yes, Jennifer Love Hewitt made her start on Kids Incorporated (1989-1991) credited as Love Hewitt. She then went on to such great classics as the Work Out with Barbie Video, Party of Five and now Ghost Whisper.

However I will always remember her fondly in Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit

Hayley Mills

Oh back in the day when British actors could just be British. None of this nonsense of putting on an American accent when playing an American. In truth, Hayley Mills never broke the Disney mold. Starring in The Parent Trap, That Darn Cat and finally in Good Morning Miss Bliss which later turned into Saved by the Bell.


Fergie

Fergie or Stacy Ferguson was Hewitt's cast mate on Kids Incorporated. Apparently for a show that no one remembers, they had an all star cast.


The Entire Cast of The New Mickey Mouse Club

I don't know what casting call they did for this show because they ended up with all of the hotties and heart-throbs of the 90s and 2000s:

* Josh Ackerman (Seasons 1-7)
* Christina Aguilera (Seasons 6-7)
* JC Chasez (Seasons 4-7)
* Ryan Gosling (Seasons 6-7)
* Keri Russell (Seasons 4-6)
* Britney Spears (Seasons 6-7)
* Justin Timberlake (Seasons 6-7)

I wonder if these seven once sat around a trailer and said: "hey lets all meet back here when we are all famous." Then Britney said: "Ha that will happen when I go crazy and shave my head." Good laugh all around.

Hillary Duff

This girl starred as Lizzie McGuire, the highest rated show on the Disney channel, so I can call it: "The Old Hannah Montana". Then she did Agent Cody Banks, A Cinderella Story, and The Lizzie McGuire Movie. Finally she shed her Disney skin and produced a processed pop album that I love and got her sister famous.

If she was like Britney, she would also get her sister pregnant.

Lindsay Lohan

Have you seen the remake of The Parent Trap!?!? There is Lindsay all adorable and sweet and innocent. You want to climb into the TV and say don't do it. You are going to make a lot of bad decisions but just DON'T DO IT!!

Shedding her Disney skin caused such movies as I Know Who Killed Me and Georgia Rules which by the way was completely mis-marketed as a family movie when it is really Step Dads sleeping with Step Daughters.

Lindsay, along with other pieces of clothing, please put your disney skin back on.

Shia LaBeouf

Shia wins for biggest transformation. He got his start on the annoying show Even Stevens. He was unbearable to watch and the only thing that was good about the show was Ren Stevens wacky hair styles.

Then all of a sudden, he is in movies like Disturbia (Rear Window knock off) and TRANSFORMERS!! I can't believe it. Now the media is calling him the next Tom Hanks. Did anyone see Even Stevens??? His character was only made less annoying when they added Bacon who was more annoying then Shia.

Shia, you win. You have the best Disney to Not Disney Crossover.

But I'm warning you...if Indiana Jones sucks, I am personally hating you for the rest of your life.

Zenon: Girl from the 21st Century

Back in a little year, I like to call: "The calm before the storm" aka 1999, Disney launch a great new idea: Disney Channel Original Movies! And the first original movie was Zenon: Girl from the 21st Century. The tagline? She's One Galactic Girl Who Saves The Day In A Stellar Way!

It was perfect. It had all the elements: a clear evil guy, too smart for her own good/beautiful 13 year old, a hot british? rock star, and Raven Symone pre-"That's so Raven". And wait one more! SPACE!!

I still remember and occassionally use Zedis Lapedis! or sing Zoom Zoom Zoom you super nova girl to myself in my shower.

Remember this is the start of Disney's Movies of the Month campaign which led to High School Musical.

But what is Zenon up to now? Kirsten Storms is now a soap actress with imdb credits like General Hospital and Days of our Lives. Oh how I wish I could write in a line: "You're baby is twins with another baby in your sister's womb and your sister fell into a coma. Zedis Lapedis!" Maybe when I become a writer for Space Station which of course will be set in 2046 AD