Vampires are the new wizard

I remember when my freshman college roommate informed me that she loved vampires, Anne Rice and I seriously think the only reason she didn't have fangs in at all times was because its harder to eat that way.

Sure, I enjoyed Interview with a Vampire but now it seems like the entire world is hooked on Vampire Fever. I am of course talking about The Twilight Series, which is about a girl who is in love with a vampire and the vampire loves her too. Don't get me wrong, I am in the middle of the fourth book and loving it (although none of the following books maintains the magic of the first).

Vampires go in and out of fashion just like platform shoes or the color orange. First there was Anne Rice, then there was Bunnicula (a vampire rabbit that sucked the life out of veggies), then Buffy, the Vampire Slayer and then Buffy, the Vampire Slayer the series, then Angel and now Twilight and that new show on HBO True Blood.

Vampires are back and as long as they don't consume human blood but just flirt with its intoxicating aromas, the American public loves them all the same. I mean how else can we get the old soul personalities when men had manners but all the enjoyment of an vampire running at light speed with an ipod? Clubbing and letter writing? Sign me up for a Vampire.

Perhaps that's why articles are now saying girls are growing up with unrealistic expectations of romance. That guys are watching porn while girls are reading Twilight waiting for their one true love. We want all the modern marvels with all the manners and respect. What's so wrong with teaching girls to raise the bar a little higher?

Personally, romance may be dead but for a while I can believe its with the undead.

Attention People with Skillz!!

I wish I could audition but that would mean I am able to sing and dance. HA! I'm a self declared blogger for a reason.

Disney is hopping on the American Idol, So you think you can Dance train, with their very own High School Musical: Get In the Picture!

It premieres Sunday 8 pm. And Nick Lacey is the host!

I predict a mix of high school drama drama, boy bands, divas and singers getting a little too poppy with their voices. Oh I have already programed the tivo.

If I could choose to be a tween...

I would be Becca Moody from the Showtime show Californication played by Madeleine Martin. She is cool and into music but actually looks like she is eleven. Its the perfect combination of wisdom and innocents.



The other kid on the show, Mia, is played by Madeline Zima. I wonder if they get confused on set.

Life Size

Back in a little year I like to call "Holy Crap All our computers DIDN'T explode", there was a little movie called Life Size costarring Lindsay Lohan and Trya Banks. Why hasn't this movie made a huge comeback!!??!!

IMDB says "A widower's daughter accidentally brings her doll to life while trying to cast a spell to resurrect her mother." (Note: isn't a widower's daughter just a girl who lost a mother?)

This movie has Lindsay playing a Tom Boy girl who likes to play football and gets this Eva doll (soon to be Trya!) from, I am pretty sure, her daddy's newest girlfriend. Its filled with believe in yourself goodness. Lindsay wins, Trya reinvents herself so her doll doesn't go out of business. And million of other delightful scenes of oooeey goooey love and hope. Oh and it ends with a song:



Here is a great moment of realization between Trya and Lindsay:



Also, was it the costume designers choice to make Trya's boob so huge and out of proportion?

Camp Rock was Rockastic

This weekend, I settled down to watch Camp Rock, Disney's newest TV movie extravaganza featuring the cute Jonas Brother: Joe and newcomer Demi Lovato whose very toothy smile is so endearing and so unaware of what is coming for her.



The plot was pre-packaged and therefore delightful predictable: she can't go to Camp Rock until her mom signs up to be the cook, then she is the poor cook's daughter which she hides from the camp to hang out with the rich, spoiled, bitchy girls. Shane Gray is forced there by the music label to cool off his bad attitude (PG version of rehab, I guess). He falls for her, gets hurt by her and ultimately they find a balance in love and music. Yada Yada Yada

It has my favorite movie ending: a dance/music/sporting event, which means everything. Every member of the cast has a musical number and they are all delightful. The villain of the movie, Tess Taylor, who is played by Meaghan Jette Martin (Meaghan, did your mother have a stroke when writing down Megan on your birth certificate?) has the most musical numbers, which is strange since she isn't the one who can sing.

By the end of the movie, I realized why this genre is just so satisfying. The entire movie is about achieving your dreams and being yourself-- all coming from child actors who are so excited just to be there. How soon will their dreams be crushed into little pieces as they realize they are just being run through the Disney cookie cutter factory? I hope they survive. I happen to like them.

Freaky Friday

Today is Friday the 13th. Instead of staying away from ladders or fearing black cats, I tend to use this day to reflect on the movie Freaky Friday or I should actually say movies.

Here is a run down of Freaky Fridays:

In 1976, the movie featured a young Jodie Foster and a Barbara Harris switching places.

Here is the 30 second TV spot:



In 1995, it was remade as a TV movie with Gaby Hoffman and Shelley Long.

Then in 2003, it was Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis.

Here is a video from the movie featuring Christina Vidal from Brink Fame:



Here is my ultimate Freaky Friday:

Jodie Foster goes back in time to when she was a child and switches places with Jamie Lee Curtis circa A Fish Called Wanda then they both switch places with Shelley Long who then switches places with Lindsay Lohan on her reality TV show.

I smell like Teen Spirit

I was surprised to find out that they still make the deodorant brand "Teen Spirit" forever immortalized in the Nirvana song. I was even more surprised to find out it was $2 cheaper than Secret.

So I bought some. And now my armpits smell like "Pop Star!" which, to me, equates to being sweaty with a lot of screaming fans after sleeping on a bus for three days. Fresh and Clean! Pop Star!

Ashley does Rick

Ashley Tisdale, of High School Musical fame, decided it would be a great idea to remake this song:



And the Tisdale Version:




Which means Ashley Tisdale just got Rick Rolled!

The Real Children of the Real Housewives...

I left New York City this weekend after a quick trip to visit some friends and to remember what subways are like, immediately got sick on the flight home and spent the last two days enjoying marathons of The Real Housewives of New York City.

I couldn't help but notice how adult all of the children are.

The show features adults who fly around and do stupid things and then there are these kids, who actually care about their school work, trying to succeed in sports, and generally look insulted by their parents' actions. I mean these parents put "embarrassing" on the terrorist color spectrum.

It one episode, we watch 'the Countess' go downtown to hang out with her 'hip' 22 year old friend at a bar. Its painful to watch as she buys stupid necklaces and looks confused as she desperately tries to look "young". Then we watch as her children ask her not to stay out late, pick out her outfit and then not listen to their housekeeper (who I hope gets paid A LOT).

No wonder Victoria wants out to boarding school with a riding program and Noel is dealing with her mother's attempts to be hip by trying to make her stay home. I am pretty sure his recent break dancing lessons are because 'The Countess' caught "So you think you can dance?" on TV.

Ramona's child Avery is my personal favorite. Avery watches as her mother wears the worst clothing: bras and mini skirts, bad bikinis. She watches as her mother alienates herself from her "friends". She watches as her mother tries to be hip. Its just painful.

Its ok, Avery. Your mother's just addict to coke. Does that help?

A good old honest thumbs up

I don't usually reread books but I do reread the Alanna Series by Tamora Pierce every two to three years.

This is a book that I discovered when I was a tween and have loved ever since. Occasionally I meet a friend or read a facebook page that mentions the series and I get all giddy inside: I have found another fan!!

The book is wonderful, inspiring, and creates a realistic fantasy world. Its about a girl who pretended to be a boy so she can become a knight.

Tamora Pierce has written some many extensions to the world and usually I buy the next book the first day it comes out.

And the BEST PART is they HAVEN'T made a movie of it yet. They haven't ruined it by having some new child star bounce on screen. Although if they offered me the part of older Kel in her later series "Protector of the Small" I would say YES!!

Miley Cryus's New Single

Its not a scandal, its just music: Miley Cryus released a new single called "7 Things" on ElvisDuran.com.

The Chorus features the line: "The 7 Things I hate about you". I can only assume this is related to "10 Things I hate about you" which was based off the Shakespearian tale "Taming of the Shrew"...Therefore, by some twisted logic, Miley Cryus just produced a song which dumbed down Shakespeare even more.

I can only assume we will have "5 Things I hate about you" Then "3 things I hate about you" and then "1 Think I hate about you" and then "I don't hate you, its me, I hate myself".

All of which will correspond to a different shortened, edited, put into modern day language Shakespearian play.

Way to go, Miley. You ruined Shakespeare.

Gossip Girl's newest cast member

Gossip Girl's newest cast member Michelle Trachtenberg has one of those last names that an agent in the 80's would have convinced her to change. I personally am glad she didn't cave and even more glad for her resume of wonders.

I remember when she bounded straight on the wonderful wacky Nick show "Pete and Pete" and then it was "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" still capturing the hearts of millions of nerds and geeks.

And just when I thought crappy movies were just for TV, she glided her way on screen with the movie "Ice Princess", which I am convinced was written based solely for the tag lines: From Scholastic to Fantastic! and Mathlete to Athlete!! Genius!!

The movie featured everything a crappy family movie should: a choice between two lives: the one your mother wants and the one you want, one big event at the end, a cute boy who only wants to kiss you and stand up for you when your parents are oddly harsh. It was magically and I would glad accept a signed poster.

And now she is the evil Georgina Sparks on Gossip Girl, the CW show based on the Tween novel series of the same name. She is just pure evil, trying to ruin the lives of everyone. I can't hate her because I love her too much in Ice Princess, In Pete and Pete, In Buffy. Yet some how its too hard to watch her destroy others.

Boo, Miley Cyrus, Boo.

Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, aka every 4 to 12 year old's hero has fallen. The 15 year old Disney star posed in partially nude pictures for Vanity Fair magazine. The pictures which were taken to be 'artistic' but mainly just look like a scared child caught without a shirt on.

Miley Cyrus released a statement that she was embarrassed by the photo shoot and apologizes to all her young fans. Yada yada yada...

There are just so many people to blame here. Its not like she's just sitting there all alone with a phone. There is her dad, who is her dad AND costar, her managers, her agent, the Vanity Fair people, Annie Leibovitz, all of Disney who is trusting her to make their millions...so my question is WHY DIDN'T ANYONE SAY "HEY THIS MIGHT NOT BE A GOOD IDEA!?"

Oh right because she's getting millions of views by disgusted parents, horny preteens and creepy dads looking at her bare back. Miley Cyrus is making the ultimate transition into Hollywood Hottie.

I'm sad, Miley, really sad. Because next stop is hanging out in clubs with Paris Hilton and dating Wilmer Valderrama. Then its off to ruining your career...

Disney to Not Disney Crossovers

With the soon to be release of Indiana Jones 4, I would like to take the time to share those tween actors who successfully shed their Disney beginnings.

Love Hewitt

Yes, Jennifer Love Hewitt made her start on Kids Incorporated (1989-1991) credited as Love Hewitt. She then went on to such great classics as the Work Out with Barbie Video, Party of Five and now Ghost Whisper.

However I will always remember her fondly in Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit

Hayley Mills

Oh back in the day when British actors could just be British. None of this nonsense of putting on an American accent when playing an American. In truth, Hayley Mills never broke the Disney mold. Starring in The Parent Trap, That Darn Cat and finally in Good Morning Miss Bliss which later turned into Saved by the Bell.


Fergie

Fergie or Stacy Ferguson was Hewitt's cast mate on Kids Incorporated. Apparently for a show that no one remembers, they had an all star cast.


The Entire Cast of The New Mickey Mouse Club

I don't know what casting call they did for this show because they ended up with all of the hotties and heart-throbs of the 90s and 2000s:

* Josh Ackerman (Seasons 1-7)
* Christina Aguilera (Seasons 6-7)
* JC Chasez (Seasons 4-7)
* Ryan Gosling (Seasons 6-7)
* Keri Russell (Seasons 4-6)
* Britney Spears (Seasons 6-7)
* Justin Timberlake (Seasons 6-7)

I wonder if these seven once sat around a trailer and said: "hey lets all meet back here when we are all famous." Then Britney said: "Ha that will happen when I go crazy and shave my head." Good laugh all around.

Hillary Duff

This girl starred as Lizzie McGuire, the highest rated show on the Disney channel, so I can call it: "The Old Hannah Montana". Then she did Agent Cody Banks, A Cinderella Story, and The Lizzie McGuire Movie. Finally she shed her Disney skin and produced a processed pop album that I love and got her sister famous.

If she was like Britney, she would also get her sister pregnant.

Lindsay Lohan

Have you seen the remake of The Parent Trap!?!? There is Lindsay all adorable and sweet and innocent. You want to climb into the TV and say don't do it. You are going to make a lot of bad decisions but just DON'T DO IT!!

Shedding her Disney skin caused such movies as I Know Who Killed Me and Georgia Rules which by the way was completely mis-marketed as a family movie when it is really Step Dads sleeping with Step Daughters.

Lindsay, along with other pieces of clothing, please put your disney skin back on.

Shia LaBeouf

Shia wins for biggest transformation. He got his start on the annoying show Even Stevens. He was unbearable to watch and the only thing that was good about the show was Ren Stevens wacky hair styles.

Then all of a sudden, he is in movies like Disturbia (Rear Window knock off) and TRANSFORMERS!! I can't believe it. Now the media is calling him the next Tom Hanks. Did anyone see Even Stevens??? His character was only made less annoying when they added Bacon who was more annoying then Shia.

Shia, you win. You have the best Disney to Not Disney Crossover.

But I'm warning you...if Indiana Jones sucks, I am personally hating you for the rest of your life.

Zenon: Girl from the 21st Century

Back in a little year, I like to call: "The calm before the storm" aka 1999, Disney launch a great new idea: Disney Channel Original Movies! And the first original movie was Zenon: Girl from the 21st Century. The tagline? She's One Galactic Girl Who Saves The Day In A Stellar Way!

It was perfect. It had all the elements: a clear evil guy, too smart for her own good/beautiful 13 year old, a hot british? rock star, and Raven Symone pre-"That's so Raven". And wait one more! SPACE!!

I still remember and occassionally use Zedis Lapedis! or sing Zoom Zoom Zoom you super nova girl to myself in my shower.

Remember this is the start of Disney's Movies of the Month campaign which led to High School Musical.

But what is Zenon up to now? Kirsten Storms is now a soap actress with imdb credits like General Hospital and Days of our Lives. Oh how I wish I could write in a line: "You're baby is twins with another baby in your sister's womb and your sister fell into a coma. Zedis Lapedis!" Maybe when I become a writer for Space Station which of course will be set in 2046 AD

A Clique Novel by Lisi Harrison

I couldn't resist the next in the series of novels following four rich girls from Westchester and one not so rich but rich by association girl who lives in Massie's pool house. They are just so awful, so delightful and so AH-dorable.


When you search through amazon.com ratings of the books you get mixed reviews between happy nine through fifteen year olds:

omg this book was the best one yet. i loved it, i couldnt put it down. i finnished it in like 2 days. im 15 and i always thout that this book was 4 younger girls bc there in 7th grade. but as each book goes on they get more and more mature. they are way more mature then i ever was in 7th grade. but i didnt like how massie was SOOOOOOO MEAN to claire in this one. i was like screaming at her throught the book haha. i think some of the things that massie and alicia did to clair, out of jelousy was a little 2 much. i think they went to far. but i guess thats wat made me like it this much bc most of the time iwas like shouting "OMG! how can she do that to her best friend?!?" haha. cant wait 4 the next one to come out

and worried parents:

I'M NOT GEORGE KLOSS I'M MARYSE KLOSS, A CONCERNED MOM: Read these books for yourself before handing it to your daughter. Brief sampling of ideas presented in the book (constantly) include: how to tongue kiss and lip bite; oral sex is alluded to; thong underwear are promoted as cool. That is just a brief sampling. The goal of the girls in the book is to hook up...

Me? I will happily sit and read the books and do readings aloud to friends. Because, just like a car wreck, I can't look away.